I have had quite a year and on those few occasions I did feel like writing I could not find my own blog. Hopefully, this is going to work, but even if it doesn’t a least writing it will be cathartic.
I have had to learn to do a lot of things this year that my husband always did for me. First let me catch you up on the last year. On July 4, 2015 my husband left for Colombia. He wanted to live outside of the country and I did not. In retrospect I guess I thought he would relent at the last minute and not leave. I am guessing he thought that if I believed he was really going I would relent and go with him. We both were 100% wrong, I was shocked when he packed two large suitcases and left.
He simply got in his car, turned his car over to a friend and got on the plane. He left his slippers by the bed, all his medication in the bathroom and everything else he no longer had any use for, for me to deal with. I was angry and sad at the same time but I had to make a lot of changes in my life and had little time to dwell on my problems. Somewhere in the back of my mind was the thought he would come to his senses and return. As anyone asked about him, I would make a joke and my retort was a humorous answer, “I can’t say I lost my husband, that would imply he was dead” so instead my answer was always the same “I’ve misplaced him”!
In the last year I have learned to handle his business better than he did. I’ve reconnected with old friends I had given up because he never seemed to like anyone I liked and it was easier to just back off from people he didn’t care for, which was just about everyone in the world. More about my transition in the coming weeks but now you have a glimpse of my life today.
When I realized today, would be a great blog, something which I believe is universal, the smallest inconvenience can just put you over the top. Like a bucket full of water from a big storm is holding on and one eyedropper full of water can make it overflow.
I have been dealing with accountants and lawyers, no problem. Learning new skills, trying to master this computer thing. Actually living on something like a budget, not a strong suit of mine. Having way too many first dates, much more complicated than I remembered from thirty seven years ago. Very few Prince Charmings in my age range. Anyway, the last few days have been challenging. I bought a piece of furniture at Costco to help me organize all the paperwork I have to keep track of myself. They put it in my car but I gave no thought to how I would get it from the car to the house. Could not budge it an inch, mustered all my problem solving skills, one of my good traits. I always remember my Irish Grandmother using the expression, “there are many way to skin a cat”, my apologies to my cat. I figured out if I cut open the carton I could carry it into the house piece by piece, it worked. Then I opened the directions and tried to understand them, this is not one of my talents. I seem to have the frustration level of your average two year old, so I left the screws and bolts and dowels in their packages spent a week looking at all these “things” and finally had to break down and ask a friend to help me. He came over, even he found the directions a little confusing, but he was able to get it.
While I had him I kept adding all those small tasks I couldn’t figure out. He identified the reason my wonderful Select Comfort bed wasn’t working, movers lost the electric connector. I called and ordered a new one! He was able to move my “dumb” TV to the other side of the room, he even got rid of the pesky closed caption feed that I had lived with because I was afraid to touch any buttons not completely necessary. It was working perfectly! He left, I was dressing to go to the theater but I just couldn’t resist moving it a hair and somehow touched buttons on the side. NEW MESSAGE: NO INPUT, tried to fix it. No way! Tried on three things to wear, only the third fit well! As I was attempting to open the button on the sleeve of my dress which had let me put my hand through as I put it on would not let me hand out hence the battle with the button. Phone rings, the accountant for the corporation needs $2,000.00, I lied and said I would try to find it in my new budget friendly accounts, got the dress off. Put something else on, rushed to get out of the house, dealt with LA traffic. Still coping.
Returned home and calmly attempted to restore my TV. Not happening. That was the last drop of water. I realized that this is probably an universal reaction. We get a bad diagnoses from the doctor, your grown child needs a little money to tide them over and a client at work decides they don’t like your first proposal, can you give them a new one. Still, you are coping well. The dishwasher breaks and you have a meltdown. I am hoping I am not alone in this, because if I am that will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.