I’ve racked my brain trying to think of a way to have this blog read by millions of devoted followers all over the world. Or maybe just two or three hundred people in my neighborhood. Or somewhere in the middle might be good.
So far, despite engaging consultants, picking numerous brains and attempting to actually understand how the internet works, I am missing one small key to success. Nope, not a lack of subjects, once a day someone, somewhere does something stupid or silly, thus, creating grist for the mill. Still, the key to “blowing up” the blog is missing.
My problem is trying to get the readers to exponentially multiply. I’m told use more tags, with much googled reference points, but how many times can I work a KARDASHIAN into a blog about growing old gracefully, i.e. Bruce Jenner’s face.
Write about more serious subjects, why? When there are so many more wonderful bloggers that do that to perfection. TIME GOES BY, case in point.
People have advised me to include more pictures. Okay, I am flexible, let’s run with that idea. Just yesterday, listening to an interview with parent explaining that her daughter was being harassed because a topless picture. An image the teen had only “uploaded/downloaded to herself” had turned up on the internet and now it had gone viral. The mother was on a campaign to get something done about this problem. My first suggestion would be, get it across to your kids the internet is FOREVER + twenty years!!!!!
As I listened to that interview a plot began to hatch in my scheming little brain, perhaps I could garner a really big audience by using the KARDASHIAN get famous fast model. Perhaps I could get someone to hack a semi-nude picture of me, getting thousands of hits and maybe one or two of them would actually read the blog. Good start. Now to work out the kinks. As great as I may look for “my age”, why must they always add that qualifier? But, never one to give up on a good idea, I decided to think this through.
First I will need to improve my picture-taking skills. There are thousand of tourists, in hundreds of countries with pictures taken by me, at their behest, on Rodeo Drive. These pictures are all out of focus, for no matter how hard I try I can not take a decent picture to save my life. So a self-portrait is out of the question.
Do I engage the gorgeous photographer who did my head shots for my commercial career, think not, can’t have him see me with no clothes on. My husband? Risking him calling my bluff, taking the photo and then actually using it, too reckless.
Next! What angle would be appropriate for a person of my age and social position. Do I try to teach myself Photoshop in thirty minutes or less? My head on Jennifer Anniston’s body? Where can I buy one of those filters they use to make stars look ten years younger? Note to self, call Goldie Hawn, she’ll know.
By now this idea is appearing unworkable, I think maybe an old baby picture of myself topless at the beach, but at this point some pedophile would pass that around and they are definitely not my target demographic. So it is back to the drawing board. One of these days I’ll hit on a plan that won’t embarrass me or my children, just not today…….